It seems as though we’ve lost an awful lot of writers in 2010, and the year’s still young. Many will remember where they were when they heard J.D. Salinger was gone, and the recent deaths of Robert B. Parker, Dick Francis, Kage Baker, Louis Auchincloss, Barry Hannah, Erich Segal, Howard Zinn and others have made this an especially sad season for readers.
Take heart, for there are new writers being born almost every day. As previously-living Irish comedian Samuel Beckett once quipped, “Astride of a grave and a difficult birth – down in the hole, lingeringly, the gravedigger puts on the forceps.” As if to maintain the cosmic balance, the first few months of 2010 have seen the bellying-forth of a veritable bumper crop of literary talent, born to parents fortunate and un-. In our Shelf Talk tradition of breaking the very latest literary trends, here’s a little advance copy on these forthcoming authors and their upcoming titles.
(Release dates are tentative, subject to the butterfly effect).
- December 14, to Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick of Hollywood, California: Mason Dash Disick, whose much anticipated tell-all memoir – Banana Cup Kardashian – is due in November 2011.
- January 4, to Keith and Roberta Tairn of Cladwallada, Australia: Clifton Tairn, who establishes the vogue for “trivio-histories” with his 2057 bestseller, Planet Earth: The Huge celestial body that pretty much completely ruined my Thursday, before proceeding to such other intriguing looks at vast phenomena reduced to inconsequentialities as Self and the Other: That lady down the hall smells funny; Human Language: From Neanderthal to that funny round dim-sum, what’s that called?; and Space: Where’s my bus ticket?
- January 10, to Kai and Hara Kana of Kyoto, Japan: Ryu Kana, author of “sound flower books” and “picture stink books,” two genres popular on the ringu-desinées, a tiny circular reading device. Kana will be best known for the crazily popular series, Pull My Finger: Ha Ha!
- January 27, to Glerm and Pok Svōkka of Igfldnn, Iceland: Bllğ Svōkka, author of popular second-wave euromysteries as Mrs. Tardywicket Takes out the Rubbish, The Body in the Basinet, and Icehammer to the Face.
- February 12, to Toby and Sylvia Richardson of Davenport Iowa: R’medwe T’lesuapo G’nu’t (aka Gunadasa Fonsecka, née Jennifer Richardson), whose sensational 2032 memoir Sub Par, about her astoundingly deprived and anguished childhood born to a life as a human golf club among the !click people in the Kaffraria region of South Africa will only be eclipsed by the sensational revelation (in A Pile of Rotting Fruit) of her “real” identity, born in Sri Lanka and raised by a family of purple-faced macacques.
- March 19, to Parsifal Purdy and Nelson Thickett of London, England: Angela Purdy-Thickett, whose lifelong affair with belles lettres will only come to light in 2087, upon the publication of her first, and last, verse memoir: Battlezone Five: Starcrusher! Her posthumous publishing career will extend well into the 22nd century.
- April 1, to Richard and Mia Hayden of Ty Ty, Georgia: Ross “Babyface” Hayden, a Neo-Pre-Industrialist author of the New Old Nouveau Southern school of the 2030s, best known for his de-novel Lena walks the Christmas grove, which ushers in the Faulkner cut-up method, in which Faulkner’s novels will be fed into a Google iShuffle (i.e., a blender) and reconstituted into startlingly new and actually readable versions.
If you know of any other great up-and-coming authors that have been born so far in 2010, please share the good news here!