~posted by Carrie M.
I don’t want to be the one to say I told you so, but I TOLD YOU SO! The zombie apocalypse started and you ignored my previous post, thus getting yourself bitten by a stinking, shambling corpse. Now you find yourself roaming night and day on your decaying legs in a mostly futile attempt to find fresh meat (you know, the living). After a while, the monotony of lumbering and moaning may eventually cause you to question the meaning of your new “life.” While it’s true that as a zombie you can’t participate in many activities you may have enjoyed in the past, your new undead life can be surprisingly exciting with help from The Seattle Public Library!
Now, ideally you would have checked out the following items before you got bitten (reading is hard when your eyes are rotting and all you can think about are brains), but overall the following list is so simple even your putrid zombie brain can understand them. Not sure where to begin?
An excellent choice is So Now You’re a Zombie: a Handbook for the Newly Undead. This book features a simple quiz in the introduction to determine if you are a zombie, and if so, what your three living dead options are. Be sure to check out the chapters on attacking and feeding, too. The book also boasts simple-to-follow diagrams on hunting, and effective extraction techniques so you can get those pesky survivors in locked cars and farmhouses out of safety and into your gullet.
Zombies for Zombies is another fantastic choice for new zombies, especially if you’re looking to stand out from the crowd. It follows the handy formula perfected by the Dummies series, breaking the process of zombification down so you can understand what changes to expect, and more importantly, how to stave off – or even prevent! – those undignified stigmas associated with the undead. You can learn about zombie fashion and etiquette, how to “pass” as living, skin care techniques to prevent the grisly effects of “rotting flesh syndrome,” and even pick up some nifty dance moves for the motor-skills challenged.
Finally, it’s important to remember that while you may be a brain eating monster, brain eating monsters have culture and art as well. If you feel the need to express your zombie soul to the world, be sure to check out Zombie Haiku for inspiration! The book, written in haiku, is the now-undead owner’s version of what went down when the dead began to rise. Follow the narrator’s story of survival, and then infection, through beautiful haikus. My favorite? “Biting into skulls/is much harder than it looks/The skull is feisty.”
Undoubtedly, you will be able to find these and many more manuals to assist you in your alive-to-undead transition. Whether you succumb to your bloodthirsty, brain-craving ways, or you choose to fight those urges a-la Warm Bodies, please get a head start on your reading list now before all you can think about are bbbrrrrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssss!